The journey of a southern gay man
Posts by The Dragon:
Danny on Bullying
March 22nd, 2012Survival For A Victim Of Bullying
Growing up in a desolate, rural area of the stuck-in-the-past middle Tennessee hills, did not exclude myself nor many others from being the victims of relentless bullies, not even while at home. There, what little time my father and I happened to be in the same place or even in sight of one another, I was subjected to verbal abuse. Instead of teaching me how to do something, he would belittle and criticize how I was doing whatever it was then berate me with how I would never amount to anything and would always be useless, then walk away. I was lucky to have only received the verbal abuse. I’m still haunted by the memories of hearing and seeing my father beat my older brother practically daily. My mother and father physically fought often. With this becoming routine early in my life, I developed quite the talent for being invisible. My only escape was with my Grandmother, Mother and my oldest sister. I grew to believe this was how all men were. I was determined to be different. My seclusion led to a vast imagination, which over the years, continued to grow more and more vast. In elementary school, I was the poster child for “Tears of a Clown.” None of my classmates ever knew what I lived through outside of that school. With the women of my life showing me how to care, I grew very big hearted toward girls. I listened to them, consoled them, was a shoulder for them to cry on. I had many more female friends than males. As puberty kicked in, this apparently was a problem for all the other guys. They had their urges toward the girls and were, in most cases, rejected by them. With my being constantly surrounded by girls, I became the target of the rejected guys’ aggressions. I was called every name you could imagine and at times, became their punching bags. But growing up in the home in which I did, this simply felt normal… routine… expected. I never let this dampen my desire to “be there” for my friends. None of my friends ever cried alone and even in their most trying times, I could always seem to make them laugh. Now that I’m much older, I look back and see things for what they really were. Back then I took the blame, now I realize I was just an outlet. The guys all needed someone to blame for their inadequacies; their inability to remember a girl’s birthday, a girl’s favorite color, a girl’s favorite flower… etc. I was the one the girl would come to when having relationship problems. I wasn’t big or strong enough to go the guy and try to solve the problem, but I always seemed to convince the girl SHE was not the problem… it wasn’t HER fault. I was someone the girls could talk to about anything and the guys viewed me as a threat. They say “bullies always pick on the weak” but I know the bullies are the weak. The victims of bullies are the strong ones. Some of us get stronger as time goes on, while some get to a point they can’t take it anymore. Most victims keep so much inside – never telling anyone how much they hurt. Never mentioning how many days they go home to their rooms and cry. Always feeling like they are alone in a crowd, feeling so insignificant most never even knew they were there. I wish I could start a support group for victims of daily bullying, but most victims are too embarrassed or afraid to come forward out of fear they would be announcing to the world their vulnerability. They feel it would make them an open target… inviting all bullies to “bring it on.” If I could get a message to these victims, I would tell them to hold on for one more day. Take each day one at a time. The first 18 years of your life is just a trial or test. Once you get past that, the world is yours. At that point, you get to sit back and watch karma in action. It is a very bittersweet experience, but at least you are still with us to experience it. You are never alone. Never.
Danny Claud
Attention Parents!
March 5th, 2012This post is for parents, or soon to be parents.
Have you ever thought, “What would I do if my child turned out to be gay?” I want to help answer that question.
First of all; parents, you love your children unconditionally, correct? Then, no matter what, you are still going to love them. Supporting them and their lifestyle may be difficult. We will get to that in a moment. The main piece of advice I want to offer is this; never, under any circumstances should you express prejudice in front of your children. Especially if you have any suspicion that a child of yours may be gay.
The next piece of advice is this; always encourage your children to come speak to you no matter what. that is why not to express prejudice in front of your children. If you speak badly about gays or lesbians, what is the likelihood that your child will come speak to you if they know how you really feel about gays and lesbians? Do not expect your children to come to you first, and under no circumstances confront them about any suspicions about their sexuality. They will come to you their own way, as long as they are comfortable talking to you about it.
Lets come back to the support factor if your child “comes out”. Depending on your own beliefs, being there for your children, supporting them, could be difficult for you. Always remember these are your children no matter what. Also remember being gay is hard enough, don’t make it worse. If you have a hard time with your children’s lifestyle, it is not their problem, it is your problem. If you are having an issue with a child being gay, I strongly recommend you find a support group, if none are available, find a friend you trust to speak to about it.
Being gay is difficult in itself, I can’t stress this enough. Having to stress about how our own parents feel about us should never be an issue.
There are two main lessons that I want to convey. First, do not expose your children to prejudice, that will leave you more open and trustworthy source for your children to come to, that goes for any situation, not just the gay issue. Second, and finally, support your children emotionally, and remember your problems are just that, your own problems. Find help if you need it.
My contact page is now open. I welcome anyone to contact me. If you need advice, or just someone to listen, I am here.
Gay Marines
February 29th, 2012Being an ex service member in the Navy in the late 90s puts a new spin on just growing up in a rural county in North Carolina. It was very hard being in the service and not being able to be who you are.
I read an article today that just warmed my heart. This picture/article went viral, but in a good way. It warmed my heart so much, that I went and found the facebook page that was referenced in the article, just so I could be one of the 40,000 people that liked this picture, and one of the 10,000 that commented on the picture. Please read the article here Gay Marine. To see a man be able to embrace and kiss his lover, welcoming him home, on a military installation is something I never thought I would live to see.
When I was in the Navy in 1998, I lived in fear of someone finding out that I was gay and being discharged from service. The only ones that knew were my close friends; the ones I knew I could trust. Not being able to be who you truly are causes many conflicts that can be mentally damaging.
I wish to take the liberty to invite anyone that would like, please visit the Gay Marines facebook page here: Gay Marine Facebook and comment on this awesome display of love and devotion.
Being Gay a Choice?
February 25th, 2012The biggest debate going on across the country is wether or not being gay is a chioce. This is a large debate in the southern states. Between companies having their employees sign anti gay agreements, to “Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell” being revoked. Politicians try to tell their supporters how being gay is a choice for gays and lesbians. This shows a complete lack of empathy. Anyone that attempts to tell people how they think and feel do not need to hold leadership roles. Have you ever heard a gay or lesbian tell their parents or anyone else for that matter, that being heterosexual is a choice?
Thanks to “that chick from ‘Sex in the City’”, this battle hasn’t gotten any better. She goes on national TV, and states that for her, being gay is a choice. This went wild in the gay community, because the years of progress lost.
Being gay or lesbian is NOT a choice! I knew when I was less than five years old, when I looked at TV programs differently. Of course I didn’t even know what gay meant at that age. I didn’t officially come out until I was 19, which was in 1999. I started noticing boys in 9th grade, of course there was nothing I could do about it back then in rural North Carolina. I had no interest seeing girls, I did try. I was just not interested in girls romantically, I don’t see that as my fault, and doesn’t appear that I had a choice.
I am trying to educate from the first person perspective. The debate over choice is not the only debate going on. I invite anyone that reads my blog to go to my facebook page here The Dragon Writer I welcome any questions or comments at all. I want to be a voice in our community.
A change is coming
February 22nd, 2012I started this blog for something to do, and to try my hand at blogging. Even though I never wanted to write a blog completely about me; because honestly, I am a very boring person. So I am trying something a bit different. I am a gay man that has grown up in the south all of my life. I may not have seen or done many things before in my life, but I feel I have opinions to be valued. I feel a change coming; more like a movement similar to the civil rights movement of the 60′s. I want the world to know what it is like growing up and living in the south as a gay man. So stay tuned; this could get interesting.
Microsoft Lync 2010
February 8th, 2012
There are a lot of basic instant message programs out there on the Internet. Google, Yahoo, and AOL still have free instant message programs to use. The first instant message program I have been exposed to was Office Communicator. It worked as an instant message program for internal users just fine. Then, one fine day; Microsoft told us we were going to be transitioned to Office 365, where the Office Communicator would no longer work, it would get upgraded to the new Lync 2010. I spend a week preparing our office for upgrading our Office Communicator to Lync. It went through with minimal issues, as long as people read the instructions. For the past 2 days now, everyone has been up in arms! Lync must be one of the biggest buzz words now. Though even I have to admit it is pretty awesome! IM, Video, Video conferencing, and voice chat. You can even share things with others that you are looking at on your screen, be it a desktop, or Internet window, PowerPoint presentation, or another program you may need. Lync can even tie into your existing phone system to make phone calls. With ours being Office 365, it works anywhere, as long as we are connected to the Internet. If you are looking for effective communications inside your company, check out Microsoft Lync 2010!
The Acer Iconia Tablet
January 30th, 2012
For Christmas, I decided to get myself a present. I carry a messenger bag with me most everywhere I go. Yes, I get made fun of for it sometimes. This bag is the perfect size for a netbook computer. Well, the downside to a netbook is that it is just a small laptop, you still have to pull it out, open it, turn it on and log in. So, I had been debating on an android tablet. I hate apple, so the iPad was out. Before I made this purchase, I wanted to get my hands on one, to touch and feel, to see if I liked it. I got one in my hands, and instantly fell in love with it. The Acer Iconia became my new best friend. It took some tracking down because this model has been discontinued, but I don’t really care, the new model doesn’t come out until March and I was not going to wait. This tablet has done just what I needed: replaced my netbook. I carry it in the same bag, and use it a ton more. The netbook is now mounted under the cabinet in the kitchen for internet access. A tablet is a great, and versatile tool for anyone that is on the go. The Acer Iconia: highly recommended, and well worth the investment.
The System Fix Virus
December 6th, 2011The past two days I have had two customers come up with this infection called System Fix. I don’t know how it gets in; 
one customer said it looked like a Google Update, but we all know what that is worth. This infection will not be detected by any antivirus, antispyware, or antimalware program. The entire infection must be manually removed. So if you don’t like changing registry keys in Windows, let an expert handle it. From what I have noticed, this System Fix infection, hides the entirety of your computer profile, so all of your desktop icons, start menu items, and your task bar items completely go away, and it will disable the task manager from running, as well as the service management. It is a very nasty little beast. What I have had to do is get into a system, and go into the Program Data folder, and find the executables, change the folder options to show file extensions and change the file extention to something other than exe, and then restart the machine. That will at least stop it from running so it can be cleaned. At least then, those renamed exe files can be deleted. Then the process of removing all of the files and registry entries assocaiated with it. After those are cleaned, I have had to run system restores to rebuild the start menu and the task bar.
The Tornados of April 27th 2011
October 27th, 2011I certainly hope that everyone remembers April 27th, 2011. This day I have come to call “Day of the Deadly Twisters”. I know, by any stretch of the imagination, that I am not the only EF-5 tornado survivor in the world, United States, or even in the North Alabama region. Mine isn’t a unique story with a twist (no pun intended), or any other literary cliffhangers. However, it isn’t everyday that your home, sense of security, or your safe haven is ripped from you in a matter of seconds. My family and myself are lucky, luckier than most you could say. Since that fateful day in April, we have not been homeless, hungry, or abandoned. We have had a roof over our heads, in not just one place, but two. Our “survival mode” is still engaged, and most likely will be until the day we move back into our home that is in process of being rebuilt from the ground up. I say we are lucky; lucky to be alive. Someone asked me once, why I am rebuilding my home in the same place. That is the easiest question to answer, no where else is home. In the Carter’s Gin community, where I lived, and will live again showed me the meaning of community. Not only were we fed by our neighbors, our neighbors actually came and assisted in the salvage process. Neighbors helped our friends and family put our salvaged items boxes that were sorted in the front yard, strong guys come through the house asking if they could help move heavy stuff outside. Neighbors drove through the streets giving ice, and water, some even brought totes full of supplies that we may need. Others drove by and told us to come to their houses to get food they were cooking on grills. Though the last few months have been a struggle, still having to balance work, health, family, and manage the rebuilding of a home is not easy. So many times I have been asked, “How do you keep yourself together?”. Here is the answer to that statement; I don’t. I have my moments, I fight and I fight really hard, and keep telling myself that it will all be over soon, everything will get back to normal. That is why I keep fighting, because I know it is the truth. There is one major thing that I have noticed, everyone always asks the same questions, in the same order. Somehow in every conversation I have with someone new, it is always asked in some manner, “How were you affected by the storms in April?” I have come to grips with reality and I don’t try to sugar coat anything, and I state, sometimes quite matter of factly “My home was destroyed.” The reaction is always the same, jaws drop to the floor. Sometimes, I am unsure if it was what I said or how I said it. The next question is always the same, “Were you at home?” Yes, we were at home with the tornado come through our neighborhood. The last question is always the same, “Is everyone alright?” Yes, everyone is alright, no injuries at all. Again, I state, we were lucky. Enough time has passed that I am able to talk about the majority of the experience without my eyes filling up with tears. I was interviewed by WHNT about the exprience while doing some cleanup, and I promised myself I was not going to be one of those people that you hear on the news after a tornado talking about how it sounds like a frieght train with the most southern accent they could muster. So WHNT played my interview, and I kept the promise to myself. For the record, when you are inside your home when it is being destroyed by a tornado the only thing you are thinking, is not how loud it is, but if you are going to walk away. People I know, and people that haven’t seen me in a while, always tell me that they saw me on the news, and ask how the rebuild is coming, I very politely respond, most of the time I just state, “not fast enough”.
Education in Public Schools Today
October 26th, 2011Education is very important in very society around the globe. Today education is more important than ever; however, I believe that our “leaders” have lost sight of the true goal of education. I have a step-daughter in the public school system, and I am so disappointed in the recent changes that have taken place. Every school system is complaining about being broke, and not have the funds to educate our children. That being said, when I found out how much payroll has spent for these “leaders” of the school system; I became utterly appalled. I recently found out that the main school system that cries the most for more money has been paying its superintendent $200,000 per year! This isn’t rocket science people! You want more money for the schools, cut the payroll of these “leaders” down to a normal salary, or better yet, make them live on what they pay the actual workers that teach our children.
On another note, we have had some issues with the teachers in my daughter’s school. You just wouldn’t believe the emails that come through from those people that are in charge of educating our children. Half of them can’t spell, and they send out emails to parents because they claim our children don’t pay attention in class, nor do their classwork. I know we can punish our children for this, but really; if you can’t control your students, or convey to them that you are an authority figure, then maybe you need to reevaluate your career path.
This is my step-daughter’s second year of high school, and I really don’t understand what has happened in the past few years. High school is not high school any more, it has regressed to an extention of middle school, or sometimes even elementary school. The faculty has stopped treating these kids like young adults, and are still treating them like children. It is about time that they realize they are not preparing those kids for the real world, so when the real world hits them, it is going to be like a ton of bricks smacking them right in the face.
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